A Cozy Christmas in Canada & Driving a Toy Train
Christmas in Canada feels different this year.
All around the city, there's a greater sense of national pride – owing in no small part to US-Canada tensions with the tariff retaliations. It's forced the public to start buying more locally, and general public sentiment is supportive of this.
Even the Toronto Eaton Centre mall, which hasn't changed its Christmas tree design in over five years (take it from someone who's worked in a store with a direct view of it for five years), finally employed a new light show along the tree called "Threads of Light," featuring distinctly Canadian motifs and history.
It's a huge step up from the static red bulbs of previous years. The last time something this grand was unveiled was the year of the Swarovski tree (which I've never seen for myself).
I noticed a strengthening of community over the past few holidays too. Halloween in my area of the city wasn't dead and dark anymore; people actually decorated! (We actually decorated! If only for one night.) They gave out candy to children, teens, and, unabashedly, adults like me. They dressed up and had fun!
I had a heartwarming venture successfully giving out candy for the first time; we'd tried a previous year, and literally no one came. Then I went out and trick-or-treated with my mom. Haha!
The holiday spirit was finally coming back after more than a decade of waning.
Personally, a lot of things happen over the past couple months, and a lot of other things I wanted to happen didn't.
For one, in the first half of 2025, I wanted nothing more than to move out of the country by the end of the year. I felt the strongest urge inside me that I needed to go. But finances and lack of clear strategy kept me put, and, over the summer, a new injury blew those plans to smithereens ... at least for now.
More on the injury another time. But, surprisingly, I don't feel too disappointed. I think being made to stay put for a while has helped me reconcile a lot of feelings of frustration and aspiration.
That's not to say I don't have aspirations anymore – you better bet I do; big ones too! But I've found a sense of peace in staying and rebuilding my home base, that which I've let go like a landslide since the first time I tore my ACL.
The past two years, thanks to my frequent solo travelling, I've learned bit by bit to appreciate my own city again. I practiced seeing it with the eyes of someone who's just landed and is eager to engage. It's hard, of course, since I'm obviously not a newcomer, but I noticed the beauty.
I can't move away right now; I still want to. But, staying a while longer doesn't seem so bad anymore.
There's a lot to be grateful for.
After taking some time off due to the injury, I returned to ballet lessons with modifications. I worked a contract in my first role as Company Manager for performing artists – something I've wanted to do for years. I had an interview as a Kpop teacher. I started an Aquafit certificate course and passed the practical exam with flying colours. I have a few prospective jobs lined up, so I'll hopefully be able to keep myself afloat for another while.
And there was a lot of perplexity too.
I actually haven't booked a single acting job through my agent at all this year. Some auditions I had to decline due to scheduling conflicts, but in general no casting directors were asking to see me. This came after a 2024 of booking heaven – whatever I auditioned for, I was almost guaranteed to receive a callback or booking.
Instead, the only gigs I got in 2025 were corporate ones through Mandy. Also good, but they didn't pay big.
Then there was evil.
My mom and I had housed a pair of scammers as tenants for over a year, and once the ruse couldn't be played any longer, they up and left. That's a whole 'nother story.
Finally, there was heartbreak. And sadness. A lot of it.
Throughout it all, I think I handled most of it with grace. To be honest, I've been through worse. I've also been through enough travel and trauma to realize that there is indeed a tomorrow. The question is, How can I live that tomorrow?
This Christmas season, I decided to just be content with my today. The cogs in the background will keep turning, but the decisions I will make is of no concern yet.
For now, I'm happy to spend a quiet day indoors with my mom watching movies and making turkey dumplings for our neighbours who secretly shoveled our driveway. I'm excited to spend a post-Christmas Christmas with my best friends from university and their new puppies. I do my due diligence in driving a toy train around the Harbourfront campus as part of WinterFest (which is no doubt my favourite part of the job).
Driving that train is ridiculously cute. The real reward, however, is seeing the faces of patrons light up as they rush to board the mini train; it's a timeless activity of childish wonder that never really leaves us, no matter how old we are.
The simplicity of it reminded me that happiness is found in everyday things; there is no limit to the source.
The sky by the lake for Christmas Eve was cool and clear. Here's to wishing on my north star for more clear days ahead.
